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. It is wonderful to not be disappointed.”She blushes, looking off to the side. Of course he was just being paternal. He wasn’t checking her out. God, why was she thinking like that. She pulls away in shame and takes her vitamin to distract herself.After breakfast, she heads upstairs to change for a swim at her Uncle’s suggestion. She grabs up a turquoise bikini and strips down. The door glides open and she jumps, turning away and covering up her top. She’s about to complain when Ryan walks in with a box. He’s utterly unfazed by her nudity.“I forgot to mention, I have a little surprise for you.” He places the box on her bed.“I- uh, can it wait a minute?” Her protest is weak, but she hopes he can take the hint.He smiles at her, “I think the timing is perfect.” His hand tugs the bikini out of her hand.She releases it and her hands fidget unsure if they should be covering up or not. After all, no judgement, right? If only her body wasn’t having a strange reaction to the warm presence of. That there will be a ‘someone’ for me, a ‘someday’ for me. That there is the possibility, however remote, of a new beginning, a new start for my failed life. Each day I try. Each day I hope. I hope you are well. I hope you are OK. I hope that I am at least a passing thought in your day to day life now. I hope you remember the things we talked about. I hope that someday we can still be friends. Each day I think. Each day I cry. I cry for the love I had to give up. I cry for the longing I have in my heart. I cry for the future that holds no joy for me. I cry and I wonder how I can go on feeling this way, lost and alone. I cry, with the knowing that I am lost, confused and alone. Each day I cry. Each day I worry. I worry that I can and will not make it. That I will attempt something irrational. That I will give in and surrender to my sorrow, my pain, my sadness. To take the cowards way out, the easy way out, the wrong way out. To write off a world that can be a beautiful place to be. So.
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